It's A Wonderful Magical Life
by the ketchup queen
Summary: Loosely based on the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." And if you haven't seen it--shame on you! James sees what life is without him. It starts off a little bit slow because I have to set up the whole story.
1. Chapter 1

The sun shone wearily through the uncovered and dirty window panes of the old creaking house

The sun shone wearily through the uncovered and dirty window panes of the old creaking house. The floorboards groaned under the couples' weight and they entered through the back door. At least an inch of dust covered every surface of the decrepit house and as the pair breathed new life into the stale and stagnant air of the place, dust particles began to waft harmlessly through the air—or seemingly so.

The woman sneezed. The man turned to her with a look of concern in his eyes.

"I promise we will have the place cleaned up in no time for the two of you—or soon to be so, two of you. I'm sorry, Lily. This is all my fault…"

The woman stopped his blabbering with a hand on his arm.

"It's alright, James. We'll be fine—all of us. And don't blame yourself for all this," she said, waving her arm around and causing more of the dust-coated surfaces to give off more of their particulates. "It's just as much my fault as it is yours. We both had a part in this whole fiasco, we both fought him, we both angered him. It just so happens that we're also married. Don't worry. We'll be fine. I'm sure that fixing this old place up will keep us more than busy until the baby arrives. Just don't blame yourself, James. We all had a part in this. And if it takes hiding away for a few months to bring him down, I'd say it's worth it. Not just for us, but for our child as well." This last statement she said with a hand splayed on top of her growing baby bump, the other hand reaching for his.

Another sneeze from the damsel brought them out of their reverie. The man let go of her hand, turned, and dragged a large, heavy trunk off the back porch and through the worn back door.

"I'll just take these upstairs, alright? Can't have you lifting heavy things, and remember, we can't use magic for a few days to ensure our hiding place is properly sealed."

Lily looked up from her place by the bay window, gazing out onto the heavily overgrown backyard. She smiled lightly and nodded her head.

Hours later, Lily sat across the newly cleared table from James, a two plates and a vase of flowers in between them. Lily gazed at her husband in a concerned matter. The man in question sat with his head hung, elbows resting on the table and face resting on his open palms. Like any good wife, Lily knew the reason for her husband's inner turmoil, but she could not understand it.

The past few months had been tough, what with Voldemort on the rise and Lily's pregnancy and James' all-consuming job as an Auror. But they had fought their way through, just as they always had. Until that night, when it all went wrong…

_Humming, Lily brought out her keys to open the door to her flat as she climbed the last stair to their level. James was coming home tonight after his month-long mission for the Order and she had a special meal planned for him and everything. _

_But as she unlocked the door to their flat, Lily immediately took in the scene before her. Papers strewn all over every flat surface in the place. Books were thrown about, opened like birds who died mid-flight. Chairs lay overturned and plates lay shattered all over the kitchen. Lily frowned. She noticed no disturbance of the spells carefully laid upon the door for their protection. Nothing seemed quite out of place until she saw the inside._

_But puzzled and frazzled as she was, Lily calmly turned around and followed Order protocol. Stepping quickly over the mess near the door, she step foot back into the hallway and firmly closed the door behind her. Closing her eyes, she recalled the moment when James proposed and the day they were married, the look on her husband's face when she told him she was pregnant… and then she cast her spell and a silvery doe emerged from the tip of her wand. _

"_To Dumbledore," she ordered it. And when it had sprinted down the stairwell and into the night, the woman turned and was gone with a pop. Apparating to just outside headquarters, Lily dashed down the street to the proper gate and, following the steps for entrance, at last stepped through the front doorway… and into pandemonium. _

_The whole place was in an uproar. Blood everywhere, shouts everywhere, and not a spare piece of floor space anywhere. In fact, if it hadn't been for Alice grabbing her arm at the last second, Lily would probably have been pushed straight back out the door and into the street again. _

"_Lily, thank goodness you're here! We didn't know what happened to you! Knightley and MacDoogal were at your flat just over an hour ago and they said it was completely destroyed. We thought you were taken! Oh, thank God, Lily!" the woman sobbed, as she threw her arms around the redhead's neck and clung to her. "I don't know what I'd do without you!"_

"_Alice, I'm alright. But what the heck happened? Where's James, has he gotten back yet?"_

_Alice looked up. "Yeah," she replied as she dabbed away her tears. "They just got back a little while ago. Who else could cause such chaos, right?" she smiled through her tears. "They took the two of them upstairs a while ago. Second room on the right, I think. You'd better go before they tell him they can't find you…"_

_But the rest of her words were drowned out as one voice was heard above all the rest—"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'CAN'T FIND HER'?!"_

_Hearing the dulcet tone of her husband once more, Lily elbowed her way through the crowd to the staircase, which she took two at a time in her hurry. Following the continued screaming, Lily threw herself at the offending door, and fell right through into the arms of her battered, but safe, James._

"_Lily!" he gasped as he caught her and hugged her to his chest. "Oh, Lily I was so worried!"_

_Glaring at the messenger over Lily's flaming hair, the man smiled guiltily at his mistake and slowly backed towards the door and into the hallway. _

"_James, what the heck is going on?! What happened? And why are there so many people injured downstairs?!" Lily demanded._

"_Oh, Lily. They found out. They found out and they attacked and I had no choice… they knew, Lily, they _knew_! And I couldn't stop them! And when I heard they attacked the apartment…" James paused. "You're okay now, but it's all my fault. I should have been there to protect us, to protect you. I'll never let it happen again! Never!"_

_A knock sounded on the door, breaking up the couple's reunion. Alice poked her head around the corner. "Meeting in five, you two. We have to discuss our options."_

_It was then that the Order decided to hide James and Lily away. It took a while for them to find a place for them, so the couple stayed at Order Headquarters for until they did. And that was how they had arrived at this "godforsaken dump" as James had so eloquently dubbed it. And James had put the entire fault for the whole scare upon his shoulders—because even magic couldn't put him in two places at once, because no amount of convincing by Lily could make him believe that it wasn't his fault at all. _


	2. Chapter 2

James ran his fingers along the dirty window pane, the white paint cracking beneath his fingertips in the twilight

James ran his fingers along the dirty window pane, the white paint cracking beneath his fingertips in the twilight. As he glanced away from the exhilarating and dark view of the street below, James caught sight of his wife's face. Serene and peaceful, her hair splayed out on the pillow behind her, James condemned the very hour that he made her life a living hell. She was such a gentle creature, and so strong and brave, and as James watched the soft and worn cotton sheets of the bed rise and fall with each inhalation and exhalation, he knew that he had caused her pain.

If he hadn't been so headstrong, if he hadn't been so daring, if he hadn't been so freaking _stupid_, she would have been safe. She wouldn't have had to disappear from the face of the earth for weeks, months, years on end. She could have kept on living happily in her London flat, going to the hospital each day and coming home every night to a quiet place where she could read her darling books on the hearth where she insisted on sitting on the rug than on any comfortable chair.

James smiled despite his inner turmoil, remembering her stubborn protests no matter how logical his pleas were. His beautiful, intelligent wife. The love of his life. His heart ached just thinking about her vivacious self being locked away in this dump having nothing to do but talk to her ass of a husband all the live long day. Or at least until the baby came. Then she'd have to stay in the same house and the wailing, frustrating child, who would no doubt grow up to be just about as big of an ass as his father.

And James just couldn't bare it. He couldn't stand thinking about how awful he had made her life. All because _he_ couldn't sit at home and watch Voldemort parade Muggles and muggleborns up and down the street. All because _he _just had to get involved. Granted, Lily was involved in the Order, too. But James just wasn't thinking about that. He wanted to blame himself and he fully succeeded.

Turning towards the door, James eased his way over the creaking floorboards and pried open the door. He tiptoed down the rickety stairs and came out at the landing upon which the couple had stood for the first time mere hours ago.

James reached out to grab his scarf off the coat-rack, but thought better of it. What's a little nip in the air when you're contemplating suicide, anyway? Slipping on his old sneakers, he turned the tarnished old brass knob of the back door and slipped out into the cool late-autumn night.

Looking left and right on the deserted street, James began to amble down the cobblestone lane, heading towards the area in which he thought town might be. And he made it too. And the first gaudy, loud bar he stumbled upon—lights flashing its oh-so-not-witty name, James entered. He sat at the bar for about an hour, drowning his sorrows away with each empty, albeit slightly frothy glass.

"I think you've had just about enough, sir," the bartender cautioned gently.

James shook his head. "No… just one more. Then I'll go…I just…can't go back there…"

The bartender pried James' hands away from his latest conquest. "No, sir. It's time you'd best be heading home. And if it's the missus you be worryin' about, don't. As long as we don't make this a weekly date," the man winked. "After all, besides the drinking part, you're really not my type."

James cracked a slight smile, but it wasn't enough to bring him out of his hole. In acknowledgment of the bartender's advice, James tilted his head. Heaving himself out off of the barstool, James planted the little Muggle money he had in his pocket onto the counter. He hoped it would be enough to cover his tab. After all, Lily had never quite gotten around to teaching him the proper Muggle-Wizard exchange rate.

Stumbling towards the door, James barely made it through on his feet. The bell clanged on his way out.

Once in the street, James arbitrarily turned left, having no idea which way home really was. It wasn't so much that he was _that_ drunk, but really more so that he had no idea where he was. As he meandered down the street, James eventually came to a big steel bridge.

He came to the edge, slipping slightly on the watery spray which had splashed up onto the metal walkways of the wretched steel contraption. Forearms leaning heavily on the metal rail, James stared into the moving waters below him. And all he could think about was how it was all his fault.

The last thing he thought about as he leant over the rail—too far to come back—was how much better Lily's life would be without him to screw it all up.

Splash.

"Help! Help! Help!! Somebody, anybody! Help me!!"


	3. Chapter 3

Hey

**Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. It's been a little hectic with final exams and the fact that I was just too tired by the end of the day to write anything! Plus, I actually started this story when I had my wisdom teeth out, so I was spending a lot of time sitting in front of the TV, bored out of my mind, and pretty much unable to sleep—comfortably that is, with a throbbing and bruised jaw. But, now I'm back! And I'm terribly sorry for leaving you with such a cliffy—I hate it when other writers do that, so I understand! Don't know how often I'll be posting because I'm going to Europe in a week and a half, but I want to at least get a little something more done! And now I'll stop blabbing and let you read the next chapter! ;D**

James stood startled by the person now flailing and shouting in the water. Without thinking about where this new body came from, when—later—he realized he had been completely alone on that slippery bridge, and jumped in.

Using his strong swimming skills, he got hold of the man long enough for both of them to fill their lungs with air and for James's ears to stop ringing from the loud noises the drowning man had been making. By the time the gate-keeper on the bridge had thrown them done a life preserver and fished them out of the icy water, both men were sopping wet and chilled to the bone.

Sitting in the little gatehouse in their underwear and wrapped in scratchy, mildew-scented blankets, James watched his fellow waterdog shake out the pages of a soaked book which he had pulled out of his pocket before hanging his pants over the grate. The fact that he was carrying Tom Sawyer in his pocket was, unfortunately, not the strangest thing about this man. No, James noticed, not at all. James gazed at him and realized that the man was wearing what appeared to be 19th century undergarments.

The man turned to him and held out a hand.

"Clarence Odbody, AS-2. Sorry, I was in such a hurry I couldn't find my more stylish pair of underwear. My wife gave it to me for my last birthday. I passed away in this." He picked at the garment, and then held up the book. "You should read the new book Mark Twain's writing. Great stuff!"

James scowled. If it was one thing he wasn't interested in at the moment, drunk as he was, was dealing with a kook. But he was stuck here until his clothes dried out a bit, so he figured he'd play along with "Clarence's" antics for a while.

"AS-2? What's that stand for?" he asked, hoping that the sarcasm was lost on the mental patient standing on the hearth.

"Angel, second class," the man responded without looking up. "I'm here to show you what life would be like if you were never born. That's what you wanted."

James was puzzled. He didn't ever remember saying that _out loud_, so how had anyone found out about it, let alone this insane person who thought he was an angel. "If you're an angel, where're your wings, huh?" he asked skeptically. Hey! Just because he was stuck here didn't mean he had to believe everything like a naïve two-year-old. "And how'd you know?" he added as an afterthought.

"Angels, second class, don't have wings. If I complete my mission with you successfully, then I get my wings," Clarence explained patiently. "And I'm an angel, we know everything. Well, depending on what God feels necessary to share with us. But we've been watching you for a while, James. I'm your guardian angel."

James shivered—and it wasn't from the cold. This guy gave him the creeps. I mean, who the heck thinks he's an angel? A mental person, that is. Even wizards aren't that loony. Sure, James knew he'd been drinking, but as far as he knew there hadn't been anything suspicious in those drinks. So, either the man was a lunatic, or he was way more drunk than he thought.

"You no longer exist, James. This is a rare experience, I hope you realize that. Once in a few million lifetimes. This is life without you," Clarence explained.

James was stunned. He didn't feel any different. Same old James, except for the fact that when he rolled his right shoulder to rid his back of the offending blanket, it wasn't stiff. No pain, no tension. It felt like it had ten years ago, before he fell from his broom in that storm… strange, considering…He rolled it again to make sure.

"That's right, James. Your shoulder's all better, now. No pain or anything. You never dislocated it or anything. In fact, you never fell from that broom. That accident never happened, as far as you're concerned." Clarence gently told him when he observed the shock on James's face.

"Now, we'd better get going. Lots to do. You know, trying to kill yourself wasn't exactly the best option, but…" he sighed; "Now you can see why you were created."

"Yeah," James snorted. "And what exactly were you doing in the river, Mister Peabody, was it?" he questioned, rolling his shoulder in disbelief yet again. He couldn't wait to get home to tell Lily about this loser. That is, after he sobered up a bit.

"Odbody, Clarence Odbody, James. And I jumped in to save you," Clarence countered easily.

"Save me, huh? Why'd you want to do that, bub? Everyone would be better without me anyway. Should've just let me jump. Would've solved a lot of problems," James challenged.

"Of course I jumped to save you. Couldn't have you killing yourself before your son was born, now, could I? A lot of people are worried about you, James. Lily knows you snuck out and she's alerted a few peoples. Even used magic to do it because she was so worried. That's why I'm here. To help you." The angel looked at him again. "Let's go. There's a whole different world out there—one that doesn't include you."

"Yeah, yeah," James agreed offhandedly. He was a little creeped out and a little confused. He dressed quickly all the same and led the angel out the door of the gatehouse, waving to the watchman on the way out.

"Come on, Gabriel. I'll take you home with me for the night. Lily'll make you something and then you can sleep it off on the couch," James said.

"It's Clarence, not Gabriel. Although I have met the chap. Nice guy," Clarence chuckled.

After walking a few blocks, the two men stood outside an old broken-down home. The grass was overgrown and carried a slightly unpleasant scent with it. One of the windows was shattered and a few shutters hung on by their last nail to the weather-beaten sides of the house. James shrugged, not having ever seen the front of the house, and opened the creaking front gate, following the stone path to the slightly ajar front door. As his hand moved towards the tarnished brass knob, the door creaked open.

"Lily," James called out cautiously. James went for the stairs to the second floor and almost tripped on a mislaid board. "Lily!" he tried again. No response. "Lily?!" he shouted, yet again receiving no response at all. Not even a whisper or mutter about her husband waking her up at un-Godly hours of the night. "Please tell me you're not sleeping with those stupid plugs in your ears. It's so Muggle-like and I don't really snore _that_ terribly," James muttered to himself and he started to race up the steps. He reached the landing, Clarence standing behind his left shoulder. James's glance ran down the hall and into the bedroom.

No trunks. No sheets on the bed. And definitely no Lily on the decrepit and dust-covered mattress. And by the lack of tracks on the dust-coated floor, there hadn't been anyone in the house at all—or at least in the past few decades.

James sneezed. He really hated dust, not to mention he was allergic to it. Lily always kept their London flat spotless.

"She's not here, James," Clarence soothed. He smirked. "I could have told you that before we came all the way here."

James put his hand out, thinking things through. Maybe he really was drunk. At least definitely hazier on the past few hours than he initially thought he was. Perhaps they hadn't moved yet and this was all some obnoxious fabrication his mind had come up with once he was inebriated. Yeah, that was it. And he had apparated to some random town to get a drink. Well, he might as well have another one.

"Come on, Gab-Clarence, I mean. I'll buy you a drink before we head back to London. Say, could you fly us down to the bar. I mean, considering the whole angel thing…" James trailed off.

"I don't have my wings, that's why I'm here." Clarence restated.

"Oh, yes, that's right," James muttered distractedly. "No wings… well, I guess we can walk."

--

"So, what'll it be, mista?" the bartender drawled, wiping the glass with an already filthy rag.

James failed to realize the change in atmosphere and the bartender during his absence. "I'll have a beer. And he'll have a…" he turned, anticipating Clarence's choice

"Oooo… I haven't had a drink in two hundred eleven years. Hmmm… there was that one… what was it called, again? Oh, yes, I'll have a m…mulled wine, that's it! Yes, one mulled wine!"

"Sir, we serve hard drinks here for people who want to get drunk quick. We don't serve no mulled wine!!" He turned his massive shoulders towards James. "Listen, buddy, if your friend here can't—"

"He'll have a Scotch on the rocks, thanks," James smoothed over the din. "Listen, Gabriel, you can't be doing things—"

_Ping_. The bar door re-opened.

"Ah! An angel just got its wings!"

James just stared at Clarence like he was insane. Which, to James, he was anyway.

"Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings." Turing to the ceiling, he smile and waved. "Congratulations!"

The bartender was back by the time James swiveled his stool to face the front. He had the beer and scotch, but he didn't look too pleased with his companion's actions. "You betta get your friend outta here. It's either out the door or through the window. I'll letcha pick."

James scrambled up and dragged Clarence out by his shirt collar, the man protesting that he was to try this rocky drink first. Once outside in the chill again, James turned to his companion, the nut, and said, "I think it's about time we be getting back."

"Back where, James?" Clarence asked, puzzled by the statement.

"Why, back to London and Lily and everything else that's normal. I may be drunk, but I do recall living there!" James spat, annoyed by this man's presence. His patience was quickly wearing thin.

"Alright, let's get going then!" the angel agreed.

"Right, well, just hold onto me and I'll have us at the flat in no time!" James said, happy to be seeing Lily soon. Sure, she might be mad about the whole sneaking out, getting lost and drunk and everything, but she'd eventually cave to his charms as usual. She could never stay mad at him forever… but she might threaten to put him in an asylum or at least take him to a doctor if he mentioned the whole run-in with the angel and all. So, he'd just conveniently forget to mention that part. James nodded, normal was indeed good.

--

The two apparated just outside a run-down building. James was puzzled. He wasn't drunk enough to apparate to the wrong spot. He looked left and saw the coffee shop where he and Lily always sat on rainy days just to relax and people watch. But no one lived in the building in front of him. It was in complete shambles. And there weren't any lights on at all. James clearly never, ever remembered it like this. Not in all the years he'd lived there with Lily. He turned to Clarence, his mouth slightly open.

"Wha…" his question trailed off as he spotted a flash of red hair in the crowd.

Grabbing the angel's elbow before he even got a chance to respond, James dragged him, running, through the crowd. He lost sight of her hair! Dammit! And he _knew_ that hair anywhere, any day, any time, any weather. The woman he loved, the woman he married and who was carrying his child. He searched the numerous heads on the busy street for her, but he'd lost her.

He sighed dejectedly. Turning towards Clarence with the intention of apologizing, James caught sight of her again, crossing the street. Hauling the man—angel, whatever, along by his jacket sleeve, he raced after his wife yet again. This time he caught up with her outside an old office building.

"Lily!" he called out racing towards her. "Lily!" She turned and his heart leapt. Finally, someone who could explain it all. But in her face was fear and confusion. Not a trace of recognition or, most importantly, love. James was crestfallen. What the hell had happened?

"Lily!" he cried, grabbing onto her shoulders. She gasped in shock. And then he felt her squirm, attempting to get out of his grip. James was heartbroken. "What the hell, Lily? Don't you recognize me? I'm your husband for God's sake." He shook her. "Say something! Anything! Tell me what the hell is going on around here?!"

Finally able to tear herself out from under his hands, she glared at him. "I don't know who the hell you are mister, or what the heck you're doing following me and the like. But I can tell you right now that if you don't back off…" she threatened, her voice cold as ice.

She reached into her pocket and James realized what she was doing a second before he saw the bruise on her wrist.

"What the hell is _that_?" he shouted, pointing at the gruesome discoloration, which he saw wrap up her forearm when her long sleeve rolled up, pushed by her movement to withdraw her weapon. More like wand, James knew from the experience of being on the receiving end of several of her jinxes in his early career at Hogwarts. "Lily? Who the heck—what the heck—bloody hell, you better have a good expla—"

A man briskly walked up behind _his_ wife and wrapped his arm around her waist possessively. He sneered at James then turned Lily in his arms, jerking her wrist in a tight grasp with his other hand in a way which thoroughly infuriated Lily.

"What's this dearest?" he smirked. "Telling people your troubles again? Tsk-tsk. We'll have to punish you when we get home later." He grinned and looked back up at James. He held out Lily's left hand roughly, forcing her third finger before his eyes.

"This lady's married, man. So, _back off_. She's mine, and I'll thank you not to mess with _my_ property," he explained gruffly and the spun the woman in question around and strolled them both into the building.

James watched them the whole way, his mouth open wide. What kind of joke _was_ this whole thing? Why was his wife battered and followed around by someone who was definitely _not_ himself? And she was married to this jerk? She was married to _him_, not anyone else! And James was sure of that for a _fact._ Maybe… no, there weren't any maybes to describe it. At all. He scrubbed his eyes. He needed to sleep. And think. And get the _hell_ out of here.

"Come on, Clarence. We're gonna head over to another friend's house. My wife either has an uncanny resemblance to someone else in this goddamned city, or had gone insane." James and his guardian angel—apparently—headed towards Sirius's.

**Okay, for any of you who have seen the movie, it's not exact, but oh well. Hope you liked it. I'll try and get the next chapter up soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

"It'll be quicker if we cut through here," James answered, gesturing towards the graveyard

"It'll be quicker if we cut through here," James answered, gesturing towards the graveyard.

Clarence followed the sullen man among the headstones, as the sky grew increasingly darker and darker from the clouds building overhead. James glanced at them dubiously. He chuckled without an ounce of mirth. At least _something_ understood him mood, albeit, it always rained in London, but he wanted to believe that it was mirroring him instead. Hey, if he didn't exist—which was _impossible_—he could believe anything he wanted.

They passed an older sector of the graveyard. One headstone looked relatively new, though, which caught his eye. James detoured past it and stared at the name glaring back up at him—literally, carved in stone. _**Severus Snape**_.

'Snape was _dead_? Since when?' James thought. What kind of trick was this? Last time he checked Snivellus was alive and kicking… sadly. Now, don't get him wrong. James hated Snape just as much as the next Order member and hardly found him trustworthy once he joined the ranks of Voldie's Death Eaters, but the guy was human. Sure, that part was debatable, but last time he recalled, good ol' Voldemort hadn't shared his secrets for immortal success with anyone, so that meant Snivelly still had a living, beating heart. Although that did seem unlikely with the cold, grey stone staring right back at him. Hmmm…

James turned to Clarence. "Snape isn't dead. Sometimes I knew I _wished_ he were… but still, he's not. He's just… not?"

Clarence nodded sadly at the man before him. James glanced back at the stone-cold proof. He took note of the year. Hey… wasn't that back in _fifth_ year… Ohhh…

"Yes, James," Clarence told him. "He died in your fifth year. You weren't there to save him when Sirius pulled that joke. He might have lived had you been there, not only to save him, but to keep Remus at bay. Instead of just biting him, Sirius lost control—one dog against one wolf wasn't enough to restrain him—and Remus mauled the boy that night. Sirius was expelled. Lily mourned the loss of a boy she always considered a friend. Without you there to show her, albeit through bullying, she never knew about the disillusioned boy under his sweet exterior who planned to join Voldemort once he was of age. That's why she is who is now. She never understood true love and she never allowed any sweet boys like you to hang around her. After Severus died she just died a little inside and she let men take advantage of her; she never saw the point. Because, although she may have always said she hated you—until her seventh year, of course—you made her see deep down that someone cared about her. Her parents died after her first few years of school, just like when you existed, and you know her sister never really understood her, so she was quite alone in this world…"

"I was never there to love her," James finished sadly. He turned away from the grave. "Oh, God," he muttered, holding his head in his hands.

Clarence put his hand on James's arm sympathetically. "It's hard, James. But this is what you said you wanted. This is the world in which you do not exist."

"Come on, Clarence. Let's go see what else I screwed up…in both my lives." James stumbled out of the graveyard and roamed down the street, trying to remember the exact address where Sirius and Remus shared an apartment. 202…A…no, F. Yes, that was it.

He and his guardian angel climbed the stairs and James stood at the door, poised to knock. He knocked once.

_Thwack._

No answer. He tried again, this time louder.

_Thwack_. And he called out, "Hey, guys? Anybody home?"

Yet again, no answer.

He turned to Clarence. Clarence lowered his eyes and shook his head.

"Sirius went to Azkaban a few years ago. You weren't there to keep him out of fights and after he was expelled from Hogwarts he just couldn't stay on the right track. Got caught up in the wrong crowd. Remus tried, but Sirius only ever listened to you, really. Because he couldn't stand his own home life and Mr. and Mrs. Potter were practically unknown to him, he ended up on the streets—albeit wizarding ones. But he got into some…_lucrative_ businesses, and eventually the Aurors got so fed up with him that they threw him in jail. Poor man… he wasn't _all_ bad. Just too mischievous, no outlet for his talents," Clarence finished with a shake of his head.

"But—Remus? Where did _he_ go? Last time I checked, they _shared_ this apartment," James demanded.

Clarence sighed. "James, you're a smart guy. Do you really think a werewolf would get many job opportunities? Even before this whole alternate reality thing started-" he waved his arms around him to emphasize his point-"Sirius paid most of the rent, what with the fortune he inherited from his estranged uncle. And Remus was pretty much struggling to hold onto a steady job. Besides, Dumbledore had no choice but to out him after his little episode with Snape," Clarence explained.

James sighed. Why did life seem so dark without him? "What about Peter? Should I even bother?"

Clarence shook his head again, sad to dash this boy's hopes. Peter… wow, Peter. "No one really paid attention to him in school. You were really the one to reach out to him anyway, and he sort of fell into the wrong crowd. I believe he's a death eater at the moment. Mostly because he didn't have the guts to say no."

James's eyes lit up with hope. "My parents! They've gotta still be alive!! I'll go see them. If there're two people in this whole world who'll recognize me, it has to be them! They'll know what's going on." Clarence started. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't exist. But other than Lily and the whole Sev thing, which could have been a whole big story on your side, I haven't actually _seen_ Sirius or Remus, so how do I know you've even telling me the truth." James glanced back at his 'guardian angel'. "I'll tell you what. If my parents—my own parents—don't recognize me then I'll take your word for it. I'll try and believe that somehow in the whole goddamned universe, I somehow don't exist. Okay?"

Clarence silently nodded, deciding it was futile with a man so hard-headed that he'd disregard all the evidence just to keep on living in denial.

--

The men arrived at the old, hidden house as two in the morning was tolling on Big Ben. James muttered the password and let himself in through the front door.

"Mom?! Dad?!" the man called out. "Mom?!" he called out again as he took the worn stairs two at a time, running his hand up the familiar banister. No response upstairs, even after he quickly searched all the rooms. When he came to the landing and saw Clarence's slight head shake and downcast eyes, he knew.

It hit him like a ton of bricks. Cliché, he knew, but it was the only accurate thing he could think of for how he felt. Terrible, breathless, speechless, sad, confused, gut-wrenchingly regretful… he could go on and on. It wasn't a hoax. Somehow, Merlin himself probably couldn't figure out how, he was now living a world where he didn't exist.

And he hated it.

In fact, he wanted out _now._ And so he told Clarence.

"I don't even want to know what happened to them," he said, holding his hand up when the angel opened his mouth to explain. James slowly walked down the stairs, his steps heavy with purpose. He continued, "I just want to go back. I understand now. Everyone's better off with me there, no matter how much I screw things up all the time. Lily… Oh, sweet Merlin, _Lily_ is better off with me there, who know why? I mean, I love the woman, but I always thought there would be someone out there who deserved her more than I did. And Sirius, Remus, _everyone_ I guess was better with me in their lives. Even that git, Snivellus, though I hate to admit it."

He looked up from the hole he'd been attempting to drill into the wooden floor beneath him. Clarence saw it then, the terrible, naked look of fear and understanding. That horrible look of understanding. He'd seen it before when a man learned how he was going to die and when. A look of hopeless understanding, the kind that man always thought he wanted… but never really did.

And so he relented. He let the man back in. All the while praying to the stars—angels—above that he'd done the right thing. That he hadn't failed the man. That he could—selfishly—get his wings and be promoted. And most of all, that James Potter would never, ever make a wish like that again. Or try to kill himself again.

**I know a few things don't quite line up with the movie, but that's okay! I said loosely based after all!! I think one more chapter might do it—you know, the famous scene at the end of one of the greatest movies of all time, when Jimmy Stewart is reunited with his family and everyone gives him money and they sign Auld Lang Syne! Okay, and if you have no idea what I'm talking about, GO RENT IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE for Pete's sake! Yeesh, some people are just so culturally deprived these days! I'm just kidding, but seriously. Good movie. And you can beat all the rush for it at Christmas time. I'm sorry, but I just love that movie. It may be a Christmas movie, but I watch it all year long!**

**Soo… remember, reviews are love, my darlings! Let me know what you think. PLEASE!!**


	5. Chapter 5

And then, all of a sudden, James was standing on the landing of his parents' house

James wandered outside with Clarence trailing behind him. He sat dejectedly on the curb, staring out at nothing in particular, his chin in his hands. Clarence stood beside him.

James groaned. Muttering to himself, he said, "Please, help me please. Merlin, God, Clarence, whoever you are. Help me, I want to live again, I want to live. Get me back to my wife. Get me back!"

Clarence looked to that sky. "What do you think, Joseph? Should we let him get his wish again?"

A star twinkled in the sky, as if in response to the angel's question. Clarence nodded.

A man, decked out in long black coat, with silky, God-given gorgeous hair, walked by the curb on which James sat. Ignoring all open-mouthed stares for his looks—both in admiration of his handsomeness and in confusion at his clothing—the man crossed the street and took a seat next to James. James took no notice and continued to wallow in his own self-pity.

The man clapped a brotherly hand on his friend's shoulder. "What eating you, mate?"

James looked up startled by the sudden intrusion. "Sirius? Why're you in London? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in…?" He trailed off, not wanting to ask his friend about being a criminal.

Sirius looked at him like he was crazy. "Umm, mate, you sure you're okay? Have you forgotten already that I _live_ in London? Huh? With _Remus_? I mean, you've _been_ to our apartment numerous times…"

James opened his mouth to respond, but exhaled when he didn't know what to say to this man who, minutes ago, he had been informed was in Azkaban.

Sirius reeled back and waved a hand in front of his nose. "Woah, man. You reek of firewhiskey!" He peered intently into James's eyes, searching for the answer to some un-asked question in those hazel orbs.

James looked away, not liking the look he was getting from his best mate. He still didn't get what was going on here. Just a few minutes ago, he'd been sitting on this curb with his 'guardian angel' or whoever that Gabriel fellow was, believing that he actually didn't exist in this crazy world. And now here Sirius was, escaped from Azkaban or not, telling him he smelled like firewhiskey, when James didn't feel the least bit drunk. What the heck happened… wait a second.

James whipped his head around frantically, looking for that weirdo Clarence-with-no-wings. Not here. He looked back at Sirius, who by now was looking at him like he'd lost his mind.

"You mean, you weren't ever in…" James lowered his voice, "Azkaban?"

Sirius looked at him like he was an escaped loony from the nut house. "What?" he asked, laughingly. "Azkaban? James, you've known me my whole life. Sure we pulled some pranks as school kids, but when have we ever done something _that _illegal? Well… with the exception of that furry little problem solution of ours," he added winking. "Now, come on, mate. We can go to my apartment. Somehow, I think that'd be a little less conspicuous than a London curbside."

With that, Sirius stood and grasping James's hands, hauled him to his feet. With an arm around his friend's shoulder, Sirius guided the dazed-looking James the few turns to his flat.

"I'm sure he's fine, Lily. James is a big boy," he soothed. And to himself he muttered, "Unfortunately also a very stupid and inconsiderate boy…" He attempted to smile at the sobbing woman in the grate. "He's going to be okay. Don't worry. We'll find him. Sirius is already out looking for him. He'll turn up. I'm sure he wouldn't have done something so stupid as getting caught by You-Know-Who just after being hidden with you."

The woman sniffed a few times, and wiped at her eyes to clear them of her tears. "I'm sure you're right, Remus. You always are. But why?! I mean, he _knows_ Voldemort is after us! Why would he endanger everything the Order has worked so hard to set up by just leaving one night? Where would he go? The only other place besides your apartment I could think of was his parent's house. But I just flooed there and Mrs. Potter says she hasn't seen him. He could have gone out for a drink, but I really don't think he'd risk our safety for a firewhiskey or two…"

"It's okay, Lily. I'm sure Sirius will find him. Merlin knows those two have their ways of finding each other. I would tell you not to worry, but I know you will anyway. But it's not good for the baby, Lily, so you have to calm down. I'm sure James wouldn't want you to worry. We'll find him and send him home directly so you can yell at him, okay?"

Lily managed a small smile at that, remembering all those times at Hogwarts when James and she held screaming matches, which by seventh year had turned into snogging matches instead. "You're right, Remus. Of course you are. Maybe I'll just go unpack some boxes or something. I really don't think I could sleep right now. I just can't believe him…!" She sighed. "I'll see you later, then, Remus. You're such a good friend sometimes."

At that point Sirius and James had entered the apartment, and James's were suddenly drawn to the mass of fiery red hair among the flames in the grate.

"Bye, Lily," Remus responded. And Lily's head disappeared from the roaring fire, just as James shouted "Lily!" and lunged towards the hearth.

Remus turned around smartly. "Well, seeing as you have _finally_ been found and we both know that you are most certainly not dead, I suggest you return home to you very pregnant and very worried wife."

James agreed. He nodded in acknowledgement, wincing slightly at Remus's tone and turned to Sirius. "Thanks, mate. I owe you one," he said, giving his friend a man-hug and a pat on the back. He turned back to his other mate and nodded. "Remus. Keep your furry little problem in check as always. See you guys soon."

Turning towards the door, James disapparated with a loud crack.

James had decided to disapparate back to the bridge instead of straight home for several reasons. Reason one being that he didn't want to alert Voldemort to their residence anymore than necessary tonight because he had already left the house and been seen in public, so he really had no desire to call attention to their hiding spot anymore tonight. Reason two had a little bit less to do with James being noble. He just wanted a few more minutes to think about all that had transpired this night before Lily started harping at him for being so stupid and yelling at him and probably throwing things at him. Luckily, he thought with a smirk, she couldn't throw anything too heavy at him because of her pregnancy, and she couldn't use magic to fling heavy things at his head, but he just really didn't want to deal with the yelling match right at this moment.

Thinking about the events of the night as he strolled across the icy bridge, James couldn't help but wonder if that really had happened or if it had been… no, it must have actually happened because James could not come up with any other reason for such weird things to occur. But wow, James pondered, people were really screwed up without him. A little part of him—the part that teared up a little bit when Lily walked down the aisle at their wedding—was glad that there wasn't anyone out there who deserved her more than him. That part was glad that she had found him instead of that scum-bag who beat her and all. His flower was meant to be treated with the utmost respect and love, which is perhaps why he felt so guilty about what he had done tonight. He could very well have gotten her killed tonight if any death eater had found him in this town. He really hoped no had.

All in all, James was glad to be alive. He might screw up sometimes. Okay, a lot. But at least some things and some people were better off with him screwing them up than without him. He smiled grimly. Heck, even Snape benefited from his existence.

James opened the gate outside their small cottage and picked his way across the overgrown walkway to the front door. Squeaking ever-so-slightly on its hinges, the door opened mostly without a hitch. James stepped inside to see Lily, bent over a box and illuminated by the light of one lamp set on the floor in the middle of the raggedy living room carpet. In her hand she held a small gold bell, imprinted with a lion, which she had pulled out of a cracker on their first and last New Year's together in Hogwarts. It rang, a small tinkling laugh, as she pulled it from the other contents in the box and James was suddenly reminded of Clarence, who hopefully was now getting his wings.

James cleared his throat and Lily looked up. In that moment of magic which had nothing to do with wands or witches or wizards, James took a few strides towards her and even though she wanted to both slap him and snog him senseless, she let him pick her up, twirl her around, and place a chaste, but meaningful kiss on the crown of her head. Tilting her head up by her chin, he then placed a lingering kiss of her lips.

Once he had set her down, she took a step back and placed her hand upon a dusty bookcase next to her to steady herself. Picking up a dusty rag she had been using earlier, she swatted him with it saying, "James Potter, if you _ever_ do that to me again I _will_ move out and take our children with me! You had me worried sick! Where were you, what were you doing—"

James cut her off by catching the rag on her second swing, and reeling her back in towards him. Silencing her incessant questions with a kiss, he then picked her up bridal style, saying as they ascended the stairs, "If you _ever_ think I would want to relive tonight you would be sorely mistaken."

Lily gave him a puzzled look and James, finding it more endearing than quite a few other looks she had given him (especially the one moments before of righteous indignation), James leaned down and rubbed her nose with his in a perfect imitation of an Eskimo kiss. "Nevermind…" he answered mysteriously.

"James," she protested, struggling to get out of his grip halfway up the rickety stairs, "I left the light on…"

By now they had reached the top of the stairs, and James had no intention of carrying her all the way back down and up the stairs again. So instead, he chuckled at her persistent need for perfection, walked her into their bedroom, slammed the door shut behind them, and lowered her onto the bed.

"We'll get to that later, my dear," he assured her , with another kiss to her forehead.


End file.
